A Covid Journal, Day 61, Sunday, May 10, 2020 – Mother’s Day – and Getting Through Covid

By Bruce A. Smith

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone. I just talked with my Mom in New York, and she continues to “hang in there.” My sister was with her, as she was giving my Mom’s caregiving team a few days off. Sis feels safe enough these days to leave her home in Brooklyn and drive the twenty-five miles to Mom, doing grocery shopping along the way. But that’s it. No one else goes in my Mom’s house, and she doesn’t go outside.

The severity of Covid in New York was brought close to home this week when NY Governor Andrew Cuomo revealed that nursing homes have under-reported Covid deaths by 1700 statewide, and the number one place for that data failure was Mom’s rehab center: Parker Jewish, in New Hyde Park.

“I guess I got out of there just in time,” she said when I told her today. Her tone was matter-of-fact, too, which surprised me.

That even-ness, or flatness, may be part of what I call the Fog of Covid – the boredom, exhaustion, and depression of staying at home, couple with not having meaningful interactions with others, especially face-to-face.

I know I’m really struggling with that. In fact, I called my former therapist this week to get back into treatment, and to procure a prescription for an anti-depressant. It’s getting too tough to continue without support. I more than miss my social world – I am a performer – and getting on stage is vital to me, as are the rehearsals and after-parties. I need to interact with my fellow actors, singers and storytellers.

Along those lines, my local NPR station, KNKX in Tacoma, put out a call to storytellers to reveal how we’re “Getting Through Covid.” Below is my submission.


But I need a lot more than Zoom contact, or an occasional video. I need meaningful contact with people, and my social world is being up-turned by Covid.

Most of my friendships have come through my thirty-years in Ramtha’s School of Enlightenment, and even though most of my friends and I have not been to an event or workshop with Ramtha in many years, we continue to reside in this supportive environment. Until now.

The vast majority of my RSE relationships have soured due to their mistrust of government. In short, most of my friends think Covid is a hoax, or it’s over-blown. I’ve grown exhausted trying to explain why Covid is real. Plus, I’m tired of their veiled anger, stupid rationalizations, and constant disbelief. They are not very sympathetic to my concerns.

Worse, they only give lip service to the stay-at-home orders, which makes them dangerous in my view. Hence, I avoid them.

The “straw-that-broke-the-camel’s-back” is the release this past week of an interview with Dr. Judy Mikovits in a documentary titled, “Planedemic.” The interview was presented on YouTube and got 1.4 million views before YT took it down. Nevertheless, Mikovits current book: “Plague of Corruption,” is currently #1 on Amazon’s bestseller list. She’s certainly the darling of what I call “The Patriot Movement,” the folks who revel in “alternative” news, and possess a deep aversion of anyone who reeks of elitism.

The gist of Mikovits book and her interview, as far as I can determine, is that Covid is a Big Scam by Dr. Anthony Fauci, Bill Gates, and other players at the World Health Organization (WHO) to make gadillions selling their Covid vaccines to the world – and turning us all into Zombies, or something. The full agenda is not clear to me, but it’s all chilling.

As a result, I’m left watching most of my crew drink Kool-Aid, and I’m lonely. I’ve commiserated with my ex in NY, Rachel, who listens compassionately and suggests, “Why don’t you move back to New York?”

But that option has its own downside – NY is not too supportive of my work in consciousness, and it can barely tolerate my musings on Ramtha. Plus all of my creative ventures are based here in the Pacific Northwest. So, I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, emotionally, or rather, stuck between an empty desert and a glassy ocean.

But I did have a solid conversation about Mikovits, et. al. a few evenings ago with my neighbor and friend, Dan. We were talking about the vast mistrust so many have of government, social institutions, and experts – especially governmental health scientists like Fauci.

Dan, who is a Vietnam-era Navy vet, reminded me of the Gulf of Tonkin deception, where the Johnson Administration falsely reported an attack on US destroyers by North Vietnamese fast boats in the South China Sea. That led to the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, which provided the legal foundation for large-scale military operations in the Vietnam War.

Afterwards, I began to make a list of all the lies, deceits, or betrayals by political leaders, corporations, or social figures that we have endured over the past fifty years or so. The list staggered me. We have had to swallow a lot of crap, and I have a better appreciation of the mistrust so many have of the Covid stay-at-home mandates, like the pandemic protesters, especially when they’re broke and hungry.

  1. Vietnam – Pentagon papers, suppressing the public acknowledgement of the failures of the US military campaign.
  2. Vietnam – Gulf of Tonkin Incident, falsified.
  3. Iraqi War to oust Hussein – No WMDs ever found
  4. Afghanistan Invasion – Effort to capture Osama Bin Laden and a few hundred of his followers triggered a war with the Taliban that has lasted 19 years.
  5. 9-11: Where were the fighter planes to protect us? WTC Building 7, anyone?
  6. Ruby Ridge and Waco debacles
  7. FEMA failure during Katrina
  8. Sex abuse by Catholic Priests, estimated to be 6% of all clergy, compounded by cover-up, denials, lack of appropriate restitution, shaming of victims, etc.
  9. Sex Abuse by Boy Scout leaders, plus all of above.
  10. “October Surprise” by Reagan that freed the American hostages in Iran, in exchange for rockets and other weapons.
  11. Assassination of JFK – The Magic Bullet? Really?
  12. Kent State – Four dead in O-Hi-O, but none of the trigger-pullers arrested nor convicted, nor their leadership.
  13. Banks Too Big to Fail – 2008. No arrests nor convictions of the major players.
  14. On-going racism, police brutality, stop-and-frisk, etc.
  15. On-going sexism, assault and Domestic Violence
  16. Trump nonsense, such as the Ukraine incident

So how do we digest all of this? How do we maintain our ability to discern truth? One-third of all women, statistically, will be raped or assaulted in their lifetime, along with one-sixth of all men. That’s a lot of personal violence. Perhaps we have a national PTSD problem that is best seen in political outrage or in therapy sessions.

Regardless, I have few answers, other than to keep telling my truth by telling my story.

It hasn’t been easy. After all, it’s been almost thirty days since my last Covid Journal entry. I’ve not had the energy or motivation to write.

Nevertheless, I hope you and yours are well. May we see better days ahead.




This entry was posted in Covid-19, Culture, Stories from the Jounrey. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to A Covid Journal, Day 61, Sunday, May 10, 2020 – Mother’s Day – and Getting Through Covid

  1. Jane says:

    More information…’eyes to see’~’ears to hear’…?

    • brucesmith49 says:

      Can you please explain your response, Jane. Nevertheless, I’m beginning to wonder how our accumulated personal and social experiences shape our ability to see and hear.

  2. brucesmith49 says:

    Editor’s Note: The following comes from Mountain News reader, Jofannie Karla.

    Hi Bruce. I wrote a lengthy post in response to yours. Once again, stupid Word Press won’t allow me to post it saying my password is wrong. I changed the password. Still can’t get in.
    Here is my post (feel free to post it):

    What a wonderful post. Thank you for lifting yourself out of your ennui and taking the time to write this.

    Here’s my addition to your thoughts. We are on Planet Earth in a 3-dimensional reality with everything playing out in binary form. There has to be the push-pull of positive-negative beliefs and behaviors so people can enact the scripts they incarnated with – again. We all develop personalities designed to play out the life-before-life designs that we created to help us evolve past our previous limitations.

    The more the ugly underbelly of politics, finance, sexuality, etc. is revealed, the more people can have something to object to – and the objections take many forms. Because we are all bound up with our emotional responses to everything we experience, as students of the Great Work, we have the opportunity to allow our Observer to nudge us to ask the important question: “What does my response say about me”? And we have the opportunity to lead with our Personality or our God-Self/Holy Spirit.

    Bruce, when I find myself getting sucked into all these conflicting viewpoints and having my emotions triggered, I remind myself to try to see a bigger and bigger picture of how this planet and my fellow humans are part of something immense, something unknowable really.

    When I listened yesterday to my children, who are in their early 50’s, get riled up by the very subjects you mentioned in your post, I am amused. Because as a Ramtha student (non-current like you), we were exposed to all the nefarious dealings of the Gray Men many many times with speakers coming to the Ranch. I think we felt we ‘knew’ things that the general public didn’t, which made us somewhat superior. Now, the Alt-Right is spouting the same things, more or less!

    “There is nothing new under the sun, Horatio”.

    Massive change is in the air. Because we are in the middle of it, it’s hard to ‘see the forest for the trees’ but all I know how to do is to go within and feel comfort in the understanding that there are more positive forces in play than negative and more humans evolving into their best selves. You and I and millions of others are part of that.


  3. Jane says:

    Could not have said anything any better nor would I add anything more to Jofannie Karla! BRAVO!
    Thank you…those thoughts/remarks will last me for days:) Jane

  4. Jane says:

    See the forest for the trees…eyes to see…ears to hear.
    And I love the thought that us RSE students ‘may’ have thought we were superior…just a bit?
    I really like Jofannie….! Yup!
    You will be fine Bruce;)….you have wonderful friends/support!

  5. jofannie says:

    Thank you, Jane.

  6. Rory says:

    Really appreciate your post Bruce and the excellent responses. We are in a sense in a “death” phase, both figuratively and sadly for many, quite literally. It’s the death of the old structures, power and otherwise which I am convinced will lead us to the creation of a much happier and harmonious existence on this planet. It does take effort and discipline to remain the “Observer” and to consciously choose to focus on all that is beautiful that is happening throughout this ordeal. The demonstrations of personal courage by healthcare workers and others is so inspiring to me. Otherwise it becomes downright mind-boggling trying to discern between the barrage of information and disinformation. This is an opportunity for all of us to strengthen our connection with our inner wisdom, and “self-correcting” as necessary when we get sucked into the multitudinous illusions now playing out here. Thank you for writing your thoughts and observations which inspire contemplation for many. I choose to believe that ultimately this mess will lead us into a more awakened, free and joyous existence. Much love to you!

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